Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
