So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
