Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
