Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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