My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
