but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
im six kinds of drunk right now
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
