she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
