Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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