I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
