This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
