$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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