i can't believe i had my finger in that
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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