A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
