Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
