Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
