My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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