Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
