She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
