so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
