she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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