where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
