You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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