You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
