When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
