I think i sorta joined a cult last night
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
