I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
