Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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