Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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