I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
