my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
