i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
