Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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