Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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