The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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