my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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