She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
