I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
