he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
