Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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