I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
