I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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