the new term for farting is butt boxing.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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