you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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