she looked like the bat from fern gully.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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