Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
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