White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
