Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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