I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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