He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
