??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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