I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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