I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
