Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Mom said you looked used
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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