i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
