Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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