he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Is it because I queefed?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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